Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
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Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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