What did I eat last night that was bloody?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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