i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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