I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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