The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
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