Who did Billy Mays play for?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
The struggles of a small town man whore
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize