Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
