ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
