i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
