my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
