My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
