I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
