Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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