textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
