Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
i out mim tonsoeep
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
