i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
cat food counts as protein by the way
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
