he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
