i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize