It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
