the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I deserve to be covered in dicks
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Randomize
