Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
