my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
