I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
She bit a glass in half.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
