That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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