Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
