it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
