and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
