My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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