My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
