Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize