I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
