a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
