you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
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I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
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Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...