apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future