Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
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I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
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Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?