So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
