Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Dicks are not precious.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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