Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
if only i could text you this smell
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
