I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Randomize
