The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
me + whiskey = a bad person
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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