so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
