Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
