i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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