a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
