Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
