At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
