Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
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Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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