i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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