Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
