Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
