I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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