How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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