i wish my penis had a tongue
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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