Swine flu. Run for my life!
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
