He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize