it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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