Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
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So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
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Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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