Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
