i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i drank out of a bidet.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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