my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize