Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
