Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
