im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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