suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
