They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
