VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize