Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
