You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Randomize
