You made me cry and you don't even care
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
