i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
