Having a random hookup so left but love u
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
