nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
