dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
