Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
