Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
