i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
