Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
