so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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