At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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